The Message

Eva looked out from the stage as the spotlight dimmed. An army of silhouettes faced her, cheering but also beginning to turn and shuffle out of the concert.

She let go of the mic and walked toward the side of the stage, feeling numb. It felt as though there was a layer of insulation between her and the rest of the world. Where there should be exhilaration, there was nothing. Even the act of walking was one step removed from physical sensation. Her body and her mind were anaesthetised.

Lift the leg, push it forward, watch where you’re placing it because you can’t feel the space you are in. Repeat, repeat, repeat until you are offstage. She smiled at her internal narrative.

“Great concert, you did fantastic.”

“Didn’t forget any lyrics tonight, made it to the end,” she replied. “Nothing for the ambulance chasers tonight, eh.”

“They love you Eva, that’s why they’re here. They love you.”

“They don’t love me. That’s a stupid thing to say. That word has no meaning. They like the music and they want to see the freak show.”

Ray put his arm around her, held her tight and navigated her down the stairs leading towards the changing room. “Not all of them, Eva, your music connects. Anyway, I love you.”

“I know that Ray, but I don’t love you. Isaac’s my man.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Sorry lover, you don’t get to choose your addictions. If I did, you’d be it.”

“Sure.”

Isaac stood at the door to the changing room with a stranger. “Jewel, you were it tonight.”

Ray let go of her, and Isaac swept her into his arms. Ray stared at him with disgust. His pupils were dilated, his head was nodding constantly, an involuntary movement that said everything about this arsehole as far as Ray was concerned.

“You were it, Jewel. Meet my man, Mike.”

“Fuck off Mike,” she said. “I don’t know you. Why do you do this shit, Isaac?”

“Two thousand quid. Two thousand quid to say hello.”

“I don’t need the money. Why do you do it Isaac?”

“It’s my hustle, Jewel. It’s me. Say hello to the man.”

Ray stepped forward. “I’m sorry Mike, but Eva doesn’t do meet and greets. Give me your contact details and I refund you.”

“I ain’t refunding nobody,” said Isaac.

“I’ll give you your money back. Just give me your details.”

“I need to speak to her. It’s important. I have a message for her.”

“Here we go,” said Ray, looking around for security. “Another lunatic given access by the conman.”

“He’ll pay you with my money,” Eva said, pointing at Ray. “And he’ll keep yours,” now pointing at Isaac. “It’s all my money on a merry-go-round. Welcome to my world, Mike. Happy? Now you’ve seen the freak up close?”

“You’re no freak,” Mike said as he stood calmly, taking in the scene. “And I’m not a lunatic, but I do need to speak to you. I have a message.”

“From God?” she sneered.

“From the girl in the dream.”

Eva sobered up. It was as if someone had flushed all intoxicants from her body.”

“What you babbling about?” said Isaac, now unsure of this person he had brought backstage.

“You’ve met her?”

“Yeah, I met her yesterday, and she gave me a message for you.”

Isaac, stepped between Eva and Mike.

“Let me speak to him,” said Eva, pushing Isaac to one side.

“Eva,” said Ray.

“It’s cool Ray, don’t worry. He’s got the codeword. He’s okay.” Ray and Isaac looked on, confused, as Eva stepped forward and held Mike in both arms. “Tell me, Mike, what did she say. I don’t want anyone else to hear, okay.”

Mike leaned in and whispered in her ear. “The girl in the dream says hello. She says you’ve been thinking about how to know if you’re real.” he paused and leaned out to judge her reaction.

Eva smiled. It was not a sneer or an ironic smile, but a smile of joy. Something she hadn’t felt for a long time. She bowed her head and tears formed in her eyes. “I have. Does she have the answer?”

Mike nodded, and the tears rolled down Eva’s face.

“Enough,” said Ray. “What’s going on?”

“Fuck off Ray, this is mine, no-one else’s. Tell me, Mike. What did the girl in the dream say?”

He leaned in again and spoke the words Eva had guessed at but was never sure of. “You are not real. You are the girl in the dream.”

Read part two here.